I’m not sure what to put here other than time has seemed to slip away from me. November was far more chaotic than I had anticipated it being. Writing didn’t happen, my head was clouded and I’ve found I have too many ideas floating around in there, it’s hard to put any of them down on paper.

I keep wanting to finish the second book, but I’m not 100% certain it’s even going in the direction I want it to. However, when I try to force it to go in one direction, my brain appears to shut down. I’ve had writers block before but I don’t ever remember it being as bad as it has become. My mind is cluttered and even the change of scenery for writing hasn’t really helped de-clutter it.

I keep hoping that the next day will be better, my attention and energy still sucked into my working life. I worked with a coach last year to “Love my Working Life” and I do, more than I ever have. There are opportunities to learn and grow that I don’t feel I’ve ever had before. It’s been one hell of an amazing ride for me, and like every roller coaster there are ups and downs, but the ride is a rush of information, experience and knowledge that I’m learning to grow through.

But it appears to take all my energy and I’m worried I’ve lost a part of me, the writer. I keep hoping she’s still in there, that burst of creativity. I used to never be bored online. I had chats and forums that I frequented, and now I spend endless hours scrolling facebook, feeling like part of my soul is dying with each roll of the mouse.

Today, I’m sitting in front of my desktop, looking at the screen and the words printed on it. Challenging myself to make those words form coherent thoughts – to talk to the imaginary characters in my head that make up the fantastical worlds I write in. I think somewhere along the lines I forgot how to write for myself, and I keep trying to write for what others want to read.

I’m not going to be a Rowling, a Tolkien or even a Meyer, I’ve got to be me. I have to find what makes me happy and stop focusing on what others want. Maybe then these characters will talk to me again.

One can hope.